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I have done mostly what most people do,
And pushed it out of my mind;
But I can't forget, if I wanted to,
Four-Feet trotting behind.
Day after day. the whole day through ---
Wherever my road inclined ---
Four-Feet said, I am coming with you!"
And trotted along behind.
Rudyard Kipling
Many people have had a dog a certain special dog, who came into their
life, stole their heart and caused them to suffer deeply when the dog
passed away. For me that special dog was a German Shepherd named
Croskey.
I could never get over just how much I loved her. One day I was talking
to my good friend Georgia. "It's really amazing how much I love
Croskey", I said.
She then told me a story about a man she had met, who was a rich,
handsome European. He was an international playboy who had always dated
beautiful women. She said that he had told her that he had never known
love like that which was given to him by his German Shepherd.
Dogs can touch the deepest part of us, we find in them a kindred spirit.
They offer an understanding that requires no words. A more congenial
companion you cannot imagine.......unless you have a dog of your own. If
you do, well, then you understand.
Croskey loved nothing more in this world than to go out for a walk. The
irony of this struck me as I walked her into the hospital for what was
to be her very last walk on this earth.
She had once had a very bad leg injury and after that would always try
to pull me in the opposite direction when we would be any where near a
veterinarians office.
She was a very smart dog. She tried to avoid that which she deemed to be
unpleasant.
The day she had to be put to sleep, Sunday, November 21, 1999, we
arrived at the animal hospital and she pulled me in he direction of the
door. She had had enough. She wanted relief from her suffering. A heart
tumor diagnosed only a month earlier was killing my formerly healthy,
happy companion.
The night before she died she was too weak to come upstairs to our room,
so my husband and I slept on futons on the living room floor in order
that we could be close to her. She struggled through the night to
breathe. The next morning all three of us knew what had to be done.
Croskey was dignified until the end. She laid her head peacefully on my
lap and waited for the inevitable to come. The end came suddenly, so
suddenly. Where before I had felt her heartbeat next to mine, now there
was only my own heart beat, racing wildly with confusion and panic over
the loss of this wonderful animal friend.
At the moment of death I thought about her spirit. Is it still with her?
Where will it go? Oh please, I thought, let there really be an afterlife
so that she is not totally lost. The age old question of spiritual life
after physical death never seemed more important.
For ten years she had been my constant companion and now she was gone. I
had been protected and loved by her. I felt like a very special person
because I was so special in her eyes. Her greatest happiness had been
the pleasure of my company.
She was by my side when I did my writing. She rode in the back seat of
my car when I ran errands. Just to be with me was all that she wanted. I
never had to tell her how I was feeling because she always seemed to
know.
She was very beautiful and kind. She was also the best alarm system
anyone could ever have. Never in the ten years that she live with us did
the doorbell ring without her barking a warning. Her bark told those on
the other side of the door that they just better keep going if they had
any ill intent.
She liked to position herself at the top of the steps. This was the
ideal place for her to watch the door. That she was strong and brave and
weighed almost 100 pounds made us feel very secure in our home. We miss
her and her great protection.
The grief which I experienced following her death was so debilitating
that I thought that there must be something wrong with me. I felt like I
was going over the edge and losing it.
Kathleen Dunn is the chief social worker and pet bereavement counselor
at the University of Pennsylvania Veterinary Hospital. I turned to her
for help and reassurance. "I cannot be in my house alone, I feel like I
want to die too", I told her.
Kathleen assured me that the pain I was feeling was normal and in fact
justified.
She told me that she had formerly counseled families who had lost family
members. "Love is love", she told me. She said that the feelings of
bereavement that people feel for lost pets is very similar to those felt
when one loses a human who was dear to them.
The weeks following my loss were filled with introspection. I thought of
the friends who had lost children, parents and other loved ones. It is
now three months since she died and the pain comes and goes. Oddly, when
I am feeling the happiest, the longing for my lost friend suddenly
seizes my heart.
I received many condolence cards from friends. One from my good friend
Sandy read, "It may be of some comfort to know that through ;your pet
you have known more love in the short time you had together than many
people known their entire lives. Love cannot be forgotten, it lives
forever."
When you are depressed or sad it is difficult to turn your thoughts to
food. It is, however, very important to eat well during times of stress.
Sadness and depression are yang so when choosing food remember to keep
it light. The lightness in your food will help to mend a heavy heart.
Originally published in
Christina Cooks Spring 2000
Recipes
Quick Nabe Dish
Nabe cooking is a good idea, as it is quick and light. Noodles are good
for lifting the spirit, and they are a comfort food. Shiitake mushrooms
help to relax a contracted or tense condition.
4 cups spring water
1 1/2 inch piece kombu
2 dried shiitake mushrooms, soaked
udon or somen noodles
tofu
vegetables, choose a variety of root, round, and leafy
(hard vegetables should be cut in match sticks)
Cook reconstituted sliced mushrooms with kombu in a pot for 10 minutes.
Cook noodles separately. Chop vegetables and cube tofu and place in a
nabe pot. Pour the hot mushroom, kombu, and water mixture over the
vegetables and tofu in the nabe.
Cover and cook with a medium flame. When steam comes out of the holes on
the cover of the nabe it is ready to serve.
Place cooked noodles in individual, deep soup bowls. Place the
vegetables and some of the broth over the noodles.
Dipping sauce: cook a small amount of shoyu in the broth for 3 minutes.
Add finely chopped scallions and a few dashes of brown rice vinegar. It
is important to know that you should not drink the liquid. If you do, it
will have the opposite effect and cause you to become more yang.
Onion Soup
Onions give a calm, peaceful energy and are especially soothing for any
kind of nervous condition.
2 tsp. dark sesame oil
3 cups onions, sliced in half moons
6 cups spring water
1 inch kombu, soaked and sliced
3 shiitake mushrooms, soaked, stems removed and sliced
3 Tb. shoyu
1 cup plain mochi, cubed
2 Tb. scallions or parsley, finely chopped
Heat the sesame oil and add the onions and sauté until they are
translucent. Add the kombu, shiitake, and water. Turn the flame to
medium-low and simmer for 30 minutes. Add the shoyu and allow to simmer
for 5 more minutes. Heat a skillet and brown the mochi cubes until each
cube puffs up.
Serve with the mochi and scallions on top. Delicious and soothing.
Pureed Squash Soup
Pureed sweet vegetable soups are, in my opinion, the most comforting
food in the macrobiotic diet. You can feel your cares fade away as you
enjoy the sweetness and nourishment of these soups.
1 medium sized butternut squash, skin removed, seeded, and cubed
6 cups water
1/2 tsp. sea salt
1/2 medium onion, diced
Finely chopped scallions or parsley, for garnish.
Cook the squash in the water in a covered pot until it is soft (about 10
to 15 minutes). Remove the squash and the water and puree in a hand food
mill or in an electric blender. Avoiding the use of the blender is
better for de-stressing. After the squash is pureed, put it back in the
pot along with the salt and the onion and cook for another 10 to 15
minutes. Serve garnished with the scallions or parsley.
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